Reasoning with a 3-year old 19-year old !!!

Sounds crazy, doesn’t it. Those that deal with older
mentally handicapped children will understand. The natural desire in us for
normal growth is so strong that even though one knows with your mind this young adult-child’s reason is on the same level as most 2-5 year olds, one’s heart
talks to him as a 19 year old. Maybe its because he looks me right in the eye.
Maybe its because I’m trying to call him to a better place, but he is unable to
reach it. Then you add RAD (reactive attachment disorder /MMW missing mom
wound). At the time when his mom left them Harp was 4 years old.

All these give you a combination of someone who doesn’t understand the difference in time between one hour and one minute and one day,
one month or one week. He has this mega memory that has to process it through an XT processor. This means he will only hear half the story, make the other half up himself in his context and believe the outcome. Which can be hilarious sometimes. 🙂

Harp and I argued about traffic and the time he needs to be
at work. The first thing he usually starts with is ‘but Daddy. . .’ and then he
continues to talk down on me as if I am the child in the picture and He the
adult. That is where MMW features very strong, because he still does not trust
my word because his heart got hurt by his biological mom that he was
supposed to trust. I’ve been with him 2 years longer now than his biological
mom, and am still facing this frustration on a daily basis.

In my mind I am trying to figure out why we are still battling
with the same thing after 6 years. Maybe it’s because I was too soft with him
and did not punish him from the first warning and follow through with the
punishment every time. Maybe because I lose it almost every time when he gets
like that, while I know in my heart he is actually angry with Elizabeth for
abandoning him. With the last argument I threw a sponge and dishcloth at him.
When he gets like this I just want to wake him up so He can see I am not the
enemy. That reaction wil certainly not accomplish that.

The strange thing about these scenes is that it takes place
every time after Harp and I had some meaningful one on one time. My natural
reaction is to then avoid one on one time with him for a while.

Is there anyone out there that deals with this kind of
situation that came up with a way to deal with a mentally handicapped child wit
a serious MMW? If there is please let me know, because I am not seeing results
from my way of dealing with it.