Resting in His acceptance

This is my journey of Coming to abide in a place of resting in His acceptance.

In the last year my whole being came to a place where I gave up on myself. Physically and emotionally I came to a place of burn out. Some days I did not want to live anymore. On those days I would force myself to be thankful for what I have and repeated all the promises I knew. It was like constantly swimming upstream alone. The joy of my salvation was elusive to say the least. In the last few months my daily prayer was: ‘Father restore to me the joy of my salvation’

The constant feeling of ‘what’s the use, you don’t matter, your life don’t matter, you are in the way and what you say and do does not make a difference’, dragged me down to a point that I said to the Father that I don’t want to live anymore if I have to live like that. No amount of thankfulness or renewing my mind with His promises, chased away the nagging feeling, but kept it at bay. I kept on serving my family with love, as that was the only clear directive that made it against the onslaught of these terrible nagging thoughts. All else seemed futile and useless.

This past weekend the Father brought me to a beautiful farm in the Groot Mariko District, through a friend of mine that turned physically blind in the last year. On this beautiful place he restored my joy and finally showed me through a man and women in his service that ‘I am wanted’. We brought my friend to people that nurtured him spiritually, for physical healing and in the process the Father opened my spiritual eyes.

I needed to forgive my father again for not wanting me when he heard I was on the way. In the process I forgave him again for disappearing for weeks at a time without us knowing where he was in the first seven years of my life. This was so traumatic to me that my mind cut it out totally. When my sister spoke to me about it when I was 21 it was news to me. Even though I could not remember it, this just perpetuated the lie that I was unwanted. This feeling had dominated my life to such an extent that on many days I wanted to do to my family what my father did to us. I did not realize my reaction to what my father did was the source of my battle, because I thought I had dealt with it already. It took going to a piece of land where I felt fully accepted and loved by the people and the land, to break this cycle that I had been caught in for years. The owner of the land lead me to forgive my father again for not wanting me and Yeshua freed me from an orphan spirit. It was not the first time, but this time I was totally free.

Afterwards we went up to a landing strip that this man is busy building. There I saw in the physical what the father has shown me in the spirit about the third dimension or the most special place. Yeshua tore the curtain so we could enter into His presence with fullness of joy. That is but a door to a great panorama of wide open spaces. The photo above depicts something of what I saw. It’s not a photo of the landing strip, as the landing strip view is so vast that a camera cannot fully capture what one sees up there.

Never will I be unwanted again, because on that beautiful farm, my heart came to a place where it finally understood that:
The King of the universe wants me.’

On the way back we visited a lady that is busy creating a garden of Eden on her farm. In this garden she is busy growing herbs, vegetables and many plants that would be needed to live and be restored back to health. I wanted to surprise my friend whose sight is being fully restored. There the Father provided his abundance for the day in the physical. We also met people to whom we had a connection surrounding Zimbabwe since 2011.

It took nearly 20 years for me to get to this place of assurance through many clues and healing sessions. What He gave this time is like the icing on the cake.

Finally I am free and can rest in the deepest recesses of my heart in the knowing:
‘I am accepted in the Beloved.’


The grace of Growth


Over December we had to store all our furniture at a friend’s place and look after another friend’s house while we tried to find another house over the holiday season in South Africa. My pots with some plants had to be left behind at our old house until we found a new place. In my mind I wrote them off.

About 6 weeks later I went to fetch them. To my surprise they were thriving. There were even a lovely watermelon plant that grew from seeds my children dropped in one pot. No one took care of them. The rain fed and nurtured them. Before I went to fetch them I was discouraged because of numerous battles we were facing at the time. Realizing that they grew without my care, simply by recieving rain and just being, encouraged me. All I had to do is give them soil and put them in the rain. Our creator and savior Yeshua is the one that provides the growth through pre-programmed genius creation of each creature, plant or human. All He requires of us is to receive His rain, that contains all the nurture we need to grow. We cannot force growth through performance. We can water and fertilize when the rain is little, but we are not in control of the growth. Sometimes the best growth happens just through receiving nurture through His grace-and-truth rain. Just by being and receiving what He gives.

With us however we can block the growth by refusing to recieve grace from Him and having grace with ourselves. We tend to perform to live up to whatever standard got stuck in our head. When we don’t live up to this standard we condemn ourselves and refuse grace. By doing that we create an environment around ourselves that numbs and dampen all initiative and creativity. Because we constantly condemn ourselves for not meeting the invisible, unrealistic standards in our head, we block His rain. In the process those around us constantly feel guilty and condemned as well.

Growth will happen both ways. When we choose to remain a slave to our high standards we create a parisitical, cancerous environment from which every one around us long to escape.

When we choose to release ourselves from the stranglehold of our unrealistic expectations, we can start to recieve his Grace-and-truth rain. This growth will be positive and create an environment in which those around us can grow as well.

You create a safe haven where everyone around you can feel safe and accepted because you recieved the truth that you are accepted in the Beloved.

Om te week in die lafenis van aanvaarding


In die wêreld is aanvaarding en toegeneentheid skaars. Ons almal soek dit, maar is versigtig om dit te gee. Ons is bang om dit te gee. Hoekom? Miskien omdat ons nie eers weet hoe om dit eerstens vir onsself te gee nie. Of dalk omdat ons nie weet hoe dit lyk nie, want dit is te min vir ons gegee. Vrees vir misbruik kan ň groot rede wees.

Dan is ons ook uiters versigtig wanneer mense dit vir ons gee. Hoekom? Dalk verwag ons dat daar een of ander toutjie aan die gee verbind is wat ons later gaan seermaak. Baie keer wonder ons of iemand nog iets goed vir iemand anders kan doen sommer net omdat hulle lief is vir die ander persoon.
Paulus skryf aan die Efesiërs in hoofstuk 5 daaroor. Die Mirror vertaling stel dit baie mooi.

Efesiërs 5 uit die mirror vertaling. Onthou – no more Shame!
26 Die manier waarop God met ons praat in Christus is soos om in ñ diep warm bad te lê en week totdat elke vlek en vuil spontaan verdwyn.

Baie keer is ons bang om te luister na wat Vader vir ons wil sê. Miskien omdat ons straf verwag soos ñ skoolkind wat na die hoof se kantoor geroep word.

Miskien sien ons Hom in ons onderbewuste as ñ God wat straf en toets, maar nie omgee oor hoe ons voel en dink oor dinge nie. Dink ons Hy is onbetrokke en krities soos baie van ons, ons Pa’s beleef het? Die gevoel dat mens nooit goed genoeg sal wees of doen gaan nie weg nie.

Die bg was nog nooit sy hart nie. Hy wil ons liefhê net soos wat ons is. Hy het ons immers so gemaak. Hy weet hoe ons oorspronklike plan lyk. Die wêreld en ons gebrokenheid daarbinne het ons wese kom versluier en toemaak sodat ons nie kan sien wie ons werklik is.

27 Die effek van hierdie intieme gesprek stel die Ekklesia kerk aan Hom voor in Sy herstelde beeld en gelykenis in die mens; sonder enige herinnering aan die verleentheid van ñ skewe verlede, nie eers ñ merk of wond van misbruik bly oor nie. Sy staan voor Hom in onberispelike onskuld.
28 Die beste ding wat ñ man kan doen is om sy vrou heeltemal lief te hê en dit gedurig vir haar te sê. Dit is selfs beter vir jou lyf as gesond eet en gym.
29 Stel jou voor hoe dom dit moet wees om jouself so te haat dat jy jou eie liggaam verag, nee man! Vertroetel hom eerder, trek hom mooi aan en laat hom goed voel. Kry die boodskap, jy is die liggaam van Christus; Hy is nie opgeskeep met jou en duld jou maar net verleë nie! Hy is dolverlief op jou!
In Yeshua is ons genoeg. In Joshua na die reën se lied ‘Dromers’  sing hy: “Almal sou genoeg kon wees, want vir almal was Hy genoeg gewees”
Kan ons glo dat ons genoeg is deur Sy werk aan die kruis? Partykeer voel dit vir my of ons skaamte en ‘performance’ ons gemaksone geword het, waarbinne ons, ons onsself regverdig en in beheer voel.
30 God vind uitdrukking en definisie in die mens; ons is sy werklike liggaam, vleis en bloed, murg en gebeente, volledig Syne! Ons lewe maak God sigbaar, tasbaar, wow!

Ons lees altyd die stuk asof net vir getroude mense. Dit is eintlik geskryf om vir ons te laat verstaan hoe lief Yeshua ons het. Ons behoort in Hom en aan Hom, het deur Hom gekom en kan tot Hom voluit Leef omdat Hy ons nog altyd liefgehad, want Hy IS vir altyd genoeg.

Daarom kan ons in Sy aanvaarding en toegeneentheid week tot ons vlekkeloos en sonder skaamte voor Hom staan.

Choosing to remain in the bond of peace.

In the last few weeks we don’t seem to get away from 22.


The Number 22 unites the entire body of Scripture, because there are 22 letters in the Hebrew alphabet and is also the numerical value for the Hebrew word Yachad, meaning unite.

Remember how one 2 of 22 needs to turn to form a heart with a foundation or cherubs over the mercy seat.

We need to face each other like the cherubs over the mercy seat. If both parties are on their knees facing each other, the fact that they humble themselves to be fully transparent (truth) and to keep the grace in place will help us get through difficulties in relationships. If one of the 2 parties turn away and write the other off as dispensable we find ourselves in a catch 22 situation where there is no foundation of grace and truth, thus no love, thus no movement.

We need to agree on what is important like


Ephesians 4:1-6 (VW)  I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,

endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one immersion; if one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.

With the rest we need to be willing to give each other room to agree to disagree, otherwise we will certainly not be known as His disciples. By being willing to give each other room we endeavour to keep the unity of Spirit in the bond of peace.

That bond’s  Thayer Definition:

that which binds together, a band, bond of ligaments by which the members of the human body are united together that which is bound together, a bundle

Origin: from G4862 and G1199

When we don’t keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace a few things start to happen. Being right in our own eyes, winning an argument at the cost of someone’s soul, money and image becomes more important than our relationships and we run the risk of losing or hurting our own souls and those of the people we love. We even run the risk of jeopardising the soul of the land we are on because soil has memory. To be a king means to walk among the people or to work from a foundation of power and authority. We have been given dominion over everything on earth, except each other. We are to willingly submit to one another only after each one has submitted under the head who is Yeshua and has found their individual place of belonging to the Head. The head will then establish the nessacary connection with the rest of the body. The body parts however may NEVER confuse their role with that of the head. If they do the body will get hurt and scatter.

May the Father grant us the Spirit of the fear of Yahweh and of wisdom to stay in the bond of peace in every situation.

Starting with our 12th year

Sometimes we pray for things for years and nothing seems to happen. Sometimes it seems that the Father is on mute when it comes to our personal lives, while still speaking to us about other people.

There are a few stories that flow together. My mother had a back operation 2 years ago. My brother’s oldest son, Reuben was reconciled with my parents after there was almost no relationship because of conflict between my brother and his wife, and my parents. Things were left unsorted for years. Hard-headedness from both sides robbed them from valuable relationships for about 15 years. This was the beginning of a reconciliation process that has been postponed for 3 generations between father and oldest son.

Since our first child was born and I stopped working we have been struggling financially, but we have never been without food. My husband got out of teaching to self-publish his book in 2010 and we started our own multi-faceted business. It had been an exhilarating, yet difficult walk. He had been trying to find a job for the last few months without being successful. Many times I would go to a friend and say that it feels that the Father had forgotten us.

On 11\11\2016 a friend of ours was killed in an accident. He was literally crushed between a concrete wall and a fully loaded traylor. Part of his function in the body was to protect the heart much like the rib cage does. His death exposed the heart and showed us that the love in the body got hurt critically. He was a father in Africa and the wound will take a long time to heal. His death just exposed the spiritual wound that was already there in the body. His life was about the secret chord of unity where we create a space of grace for each other even though we may not agree in areas. Much like the 2 sides of DNA that will never meet, but are connected with struts that bind them together in a unique pattern. With Stephan’s death a multiplication of who he was took place in the understanding of the body around him. 11/11 became 22:22.

In Isaiah 22:22 Isaiah 22:22 it says: (Voice in the Wilderness)  ‘And the key of the house of David I will lay on his shoulder; so he shall open, and no one shall shut; and he shall shut, and no one shall open.’ This references to. Rev 3:8 ‘Revelation 3:8 (VW)  I know your works. Behold, I have set before you an open door, and no one can shut it; for you have a little strength, have kept My Word, and have not denied My name.’

My eldest brother called me a week before our 11th anniversary which is the start of our 12th year together. He wanted to organize a family get-together at my place on our anniversary without knowing that it was on the same day. My whole family was there. Even my brother and his oldest son came. They have not spoken to each other for over a year because of a deadlock in their relationship. Reconciliation has not taken place yet, but at least they saw each other. Even the code of the buns that I ordered was 22. On our anniversary we received a car as a gift. The car is 11 years old.

After the family gathering I realized that if you turn one 2 of the 22 to face the other one as a mirror image it makes a heart with a foundation, looking like the cherubs covering the mercy seat and like buffalo horns connected in the front. When we find ourselves in a ‘catch 22’ situation one of the 2’s must turn in our heads first so our place of grace and love can be restored, so we can rule, be joyful and thankful in our circumstances.


My husband accepted a post at a new school yesterday after months of searching and our business has picked up in great leaps in the past few weeks. I don’t quite understand why it took so long, but I know that the Father is busy weaving a tapestry of which we only see the back and sometimes a glimpse of the front. When the back seems like a mess we must just trust the one that sees the whole tapestry.

Choose Life

Written 19 November 2016


In the last few months we have been confronted with death in an ever increasing stream of bad news. For us personally a friend almost died when a buffalo trampled him. He lost his left leg from below the knee. Thankfully he is recovering well. Another friend’s daughter was found in a coma next to her husband and died on the way to hospital. She was only 22. This past week we were at the Thanksgiving service for a friend’s life that died in a tragic accident. He leaves his wife and 2 children. He was a father in Africa. He was a farmer in Africa. He had many other children in the spirit and worked tirelessly for community transformation in Africa. The recent floods killed at least 6 people of which one is a 3 year old girl who is probably still missing. Daily we are receiving reports of more and more brutal farm murders and attacks. Every farmer employ between 3 to 300, people if not more.  With the politicians inciting white and black people against each other and saying they are going to kill if farms are not handed over without compensation, it makes it difficult to see a future in a country whose leadership does not want a certain people group that have been part of them for 400 years to continue to live here.

When faced with physical evidence of death, how are we as believers supposed to react if we believe in Yeshua that is Life itself? On the day of the thanksgiving service for Stephan, our friend, my brother’s son asked me what I thought of the sketch of Albrecht Dürer called the Rider, or more commonly known as The Rider, Death and Satan. He did not know about Stephan.
The following was my response:
‘They (death and Satan) can’t however operate with Light even if they are always lurking just outside the circle of Light. Look at the difference in demeanor between the 2 horses in the picture. Our default is death….being distracted by negativity and fear is our sinful nature. The choice is Life. Even in the face of death and tragedy, we can choose life. The movie ‘The Book thief’ is a good example of this….
When someone close to you die however, the choice is not to surrender to the desire to join them in our thoughts. We cannot become the ‘living dead’ because of pain and loss. While we are here we need to choose Life in every action, word and thought even though it might be shrouded by pain, uncertainty and death. When we are in the cloud of witnesses we will see all without the shroud. Until then we have to have faith in the promise of Life (Yeshua) Himself. ‘


Today we have a choice to overcome the evil inside each of us that steers us automatically to negativity, fear and eventually death. The first thing we have to do is to put a guard in front of our mouths and speak life.  Pray and surrender to Life and ask for His agenda for the country.  Thousands are gathering today with Angus Buchan to bring this country to Yeshua and ask that His agenda will be the one that prevails.  The only way it can prevail however is if each and every one that profess to know Him starts to ask for His strategy in their unique situation and follow that in spite of fear and death all around us. Our country is in a huge crisis.  May the Father of Life grant us the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, counsel and might, knowledge and perhaps, most of all the fear of YAHWEH which is where all Wisdom starts.

Body lessons from Pilates (contrology)


Photocredits from NYC dance project

Recently I started with a Pilates Kinetic precision course. For some of you it might be strange because many Christians are scared of even trying the exercise because it is often combined with idolatrous philosophies by the people presenting it. Pilates as an exercise and physical training method, was born out of need.  Joseph Pilates was born in 1880 and was a sickly child that determined to make himself strong.  He lived as a German immigrant in the UK. He started body building and he looked so good that he was used as a model for anatomical drawings in his teen years.  Quoting from http;// ‘However, not all people know that when Joseph developed his now popular regimen, he was in an internment camp in Great Britain as a German citizen. Rather than be bitter about his experience during the war-torn years, Joseph worked diligently as a fitness teacher and nurse. During his time in internment, he developed and refined his methods, calling his system ‘Contrology’. As wounded soldiers arrived from battle lines, he applied his methods to strengthening and reconditioning them.
Today many projects exist which use Pilates to help veterans with injuries – including many who suffered amputation of one or more limbs.’

After the war he returned to Germany and worked with Rudolp Laban who created the basic system of dance notation that is still used today. Quoting from the page Pilates Central: “Pilates called his technique ‘contrology’ – only later did it become known by his own surname.  He conceived it as a mental as well as physical conditioning in which individuals could work their bodies to their full potential.  In explaining Contrology’s guiding principle, he liked to quote Schiller: ‘It is the mind itself which builds the body’.

The reason I took the time to give a summary of the history, is to help people realize that it has good roots and all exercises are specifically there to develop conscious mind-body control of our muscles. We as sons of the most High are here to redeem all things unto Him.

As believers we can learn so much from ‘contrology’ if we apply it to the body of Christ.  If I can summarize from what I have learned already, it is to remind the muscles that they belong to a head and that they have a specific job to do.  If every muscle doesn’t do its job properly, the other muscles around them take over and eventually our joints and back starts to take unnecessarily wear and tear.

In the body of Christ we have a Head. The Head knows all the muscles are there, but it seems that sometimes the muscles forget their place and function and that they belong to the head. This pulls the whole body out of alignment. So to summarize all in a few words: ‘contrology’ is about restoring the mind-body connection to bring all the parts back into alignment.’

We sometimes forget to Whom we belong. When we forget that, we start to forget our function and either overcompensate because we want to proof that we are competent, or we give up. In the process our whole life is pulled out of alignment. Unfortunately it is not just our life that is pulled off balance, but that of the whole body around us.  If we overcompensate we tend to become control freaks and want to make other people’s choices for them. We often don’t even realize that we are doing it.  On the other hand, if we give up we force other parts of the body to overcompensate which causes misalignment.

When there is an injury to a part of the body, the other parts take over the function of that part until it recovers. There are 2 ways in which that happens as well.  Life is a choice.  Death is our default without Yeshua. The one way is to close in and protect the hurting part and take over it’s job – that is going with the default.  The other way is to open up, and work from the core or stabilizer muscles to gently restore that member to full function again. If there is nerve damage however the message don’t get through to the brain that a part of the body is in jeopardy because the connection to the head and the rest of the body has been cut off. Isolation from the body causes gangrene and causes the members to fall off witout the other members even noticing until they have to do the work without that member. Much like leprosy.

To give you an example.  If one has a neck injury, the automatic response to ‘protect’ the neck is to pull up your shoulders to the ears, which causes misalignment all the way down. That causes neck and back spasms and eventually lower back pain because one tends to sit forward with one’s shoulders.  This also causes one to look more ‘abusable’ to the world outside.  The moment you choose life by relaxing the shoulders and start to sit and walk upright one does not look ‘abusable’ anymore and the neck muscles can start to relax.

When every muscle and member is awakened to its function and does its job properly the body comes into alignment and every member can grow into its full potential.  When all the members are awakened by choosing life, and an injury occur they will automatically do what they are supposed to do to gently bring the broken member to its full potential again. 

Lets ask the Father of Life to give us the Spirit of wisdom to awaken the body of Christ so she can come into alignment again so she can dance again.